Look, the last 10 years has seen the United States' reputation go straight into the crapper and so you need to take the advice of this outsider and exercise some serious damage control in the future. My tips :
1. First up, if your President is George W. Bush, then you need to keep that shit quiet for as long as possible
2. Someone should be going round full-time to correct the tea-baggers' spelling - it's a fucking disgrace
3. A deep trench should be dug around Mississippi and set on fire
4. Sarah Palin should be knee-capped
5. Paris Hilton should be tricked into participating in a snuff movie
6. All signs at the Texas border, heading out, should point back towards Houston with a warning sign stating : FAGS AHEAD !
7. Celine Dion should be arrested as a spy and liquidated by firing squad
8. At least one artillery division should be re-deployed from Afghanistan to Texas to pound renegade pockets of rednecks.