Sunday, 18 April 2010

The U.S. and Damage Control

Look, the last 10 years has seen the United States' reputation go straight into the crapper and so you need to take the advice of this outsider and exercise some serious damage control in the future. My tips :

1. First up, if your President is George W. Bush, then you need to keep that shit quiet for as long as possible

2. Someone should be going round full-time to correct the tea-baggers' spelling - it's a fucking disgrace


3. A deep trench should be dug around Mississippi and set on fire

4. Sarah Palin should be knee-capped 

5. Paris Hilton should be tricked into participating in a snuff movie

6. All signs at the Texas border, heading out, should point back towards Houston with a warning sign stating : FAGS AHEAD !

7. Celine Dion should be arrested as a spy and liquidated by firing squad

8. At least one artillery division should be re-deployed from Afghanistan to Texas to pound renegade pockets of rednecks.


  1. Okay, Tarq, so, while I can agree with you regarding most all of these--and I do--I must disagree with #7 most vehemently. Not because I don't agree with the *sentiment*, but, because, by association, I believe that you're implying that Celine Dion is from the United States. And she's not. At all. Ever. So, while I'm with you on the "W" thing, the Sarah Palin thing, the Teabaggers and Paris Hilton, I just can't go with you on Celine Dion. For her, you're going to have to go speak to the damned Canadians who let her out. I just want to be clear. ;-)

  2. Do you know that Celine Dion now spends a lot of time at her residence in Jupiter, Florida, Smag ? That's a bit too close to you for comfort, isn't it ? - and a good reason to back me up on this one.
    Truth is, i just couldn't bring myself to leave Dion off any imaginary death list.

  3. Damn! Well, if she's choosing to take up residence in States, I guess I have to go with you, Tarq. Why did you have to tell me that, though? How will I get to sleep tonight?