My friends, it gives me great pleasure to announce my forthcoming engagement to Lydia, a very special lady i met whilst journeying by the areoplane across the United States of the Americas. Lydia is a transportation security specialist who enjoys her work and to say she opened my eyes about certain aspects of her job would be a severe understatement - my eyes were literally popping out of my head. Let's just say that during the course of Lydia's 'inspection', boundaries weren't just explored - the whole map was comprehensively re-written.
I emerged from her pat-down on shaky legs, feeling violated, abused and thoroughly satisfied. I knew almost immediately that i couldn't rely on the vagaries of my business calendar to fulfill my needs - i had to be 'inspected' by Lydia every night. Before it was too late, I blurted out that i had swallowed 2 kilos of C4 and the deal was sealed.
Sometimes we find love in the strangest places.